Sorry for the infrequent blogs- still trying to get in the habit.

For those of you who are new to the story, in the Tennessean newspaper this week is a featured article about Katy Kruger (formerly Barker- Paul and Aleta Barker's daughter) and her husband Ernie. They got married back in December and saved their first kiss for the wedding altar.

The story has generated considerable conversation online, and not all of it has been positive.

Read this excerpt from the article:

Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women, notes that 95 percent of Americans have premarital sex, and trying to save your first kiss for marriage may be an unrealistic expectation.

If teens don't succeed: "It's a huge letdown," she said. "They feel like failures."

Valenti said teens should be judged on values such as intellect, courage and integrity, not their sexuality. "The idea that's communicated is that if you have sex you're used goods," she said.

Is it just me, or is some of that thinking a bit off? The focus of her worry is that kids will "feel like a failure"?

In that case, perhaps we should reconsider having university entrance exams for outgoing high school seniors. We should ditch SATs and all high school sports, in fact- heaven forbid anyone feel like a failure for setting the bar high and then not making it. 

Isn't that part of what makes life...life? Setting goals and then attempting to realize them? Or falling short and learning to pick yourself back up while learning in the process?

Look at what she also says: "Teens should be judged values such as intellect, courage and integrity, not their sexuality."

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that values like intellect, courage, and integrity show up in how we express our sexuality. To cut off our sexuality from from things like, I don't know- integrity- seems impossible. I'm sure Ms. Valenti would never suggest that sexual assault is acceptable- yet, it seems like, according to her, that we should not "judge" those who express their sexuality that way. 

Integrity - or a lack thereof- shows up in every area of our lives. Doesn't the very word itself mean "the quality or state of being complete" (Merriam-Webster dictionary)? There is no area of our lives that is not touched by our level of "integrity." 

Doesn't it display courage to say no to cultural pressure to conform?   I would argue that what Katy and her husband, Ernie, have done is display intellect, courage, and integrity.

One of the people who responded to the article  said something along the lines of, "But how can you know whether you're attracted to someone unless you kiss them?"

Wait a second- I can't know for sure I'm attracted to someone unless I kiss them first? Then why not kiss every person you meet- I mean, you'll never know otherwise. I thought you kissed someone when you were attracted to them. I don't think many people, if any, have ever kissed someone they weren't at least minimally attracted to...

Anyway, this is obviously an emotional topic- and surprisingly so. You would think 2 adults demonstrating a high degree of self-control would be celebrated. ..