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Growing a Healthy Campus Small Group

2009-07-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Let me set up the whole concept of small groups with a particular Scripture. One of the most oft-quoted scriptures when it comes to evangelism or reconciling people to Christ is Proverbs 11:30. It says that he who wins souls is wise.

Now that Scripture can be taken to mean that:

a. the one who wins souls is smart, or

b. the person is doing a smart thing by winning souls, which I think we would all agree with.

But I think it can also mean that the one who has wisdom, moves in wisdom, and lives in wisdom will be able to win souls. The Hebrew word for wisdom literally means skill. So, if we were to insert that word “skill” into the verse, it would read, “He who wins souls has skill.” Meaning- it takes a degree of know-how, of skill, of knowing what to do-to actually see people’s lives change.

Odds are, the writer of this verse in Proverbs was not talking about winning people to Jesus- after all, Jesus hadn’t been born yet, so the likely interpretation meaning of the word “wins” is more along the lines of influence, particularly towards Godly morality and away from foolish living (perhaps the main theme of Proverbs).

So, another way of looking at the Scripture is this:

The one who influences souls towards God possesses skill.

Or, if you’d like, here is the Modern, bottom line translation: It takes skill, know-how, and wisdom to influence people’s lives.

One of the greatest ways to see that happen is in the context of a terrific, life-changing small group.

Having a terrific, life-changing small group is one of the great joys of campus ministry. Having a lousy, shrinking small group is one of the great drudgeries of campus ministry.

So how do you, to coin a phrase from a popular book, go from good to great? Here are three main thoughts.

Define the purpose of your small group.

One of the greatest mistakes small group leaders make is trying to make it a one size fits all group. If you’re trying to have a co-ed outreach cell small group Bible study discussion group fellowship oriented discipleship time approach, odds are, you’re likely to fail, and at the very least, never grow.

Before you ever start, think about what the purpose of your group will be. Will it be a Bible discussion group for guys? Will it be a Bible study for girls? Will it be a co-ed topical discussion group? Having clear purpose for your group will help you stay on track and help the other members know exactly why they are there, especially so they in turn can know what they are inviting someone else to.

Have clear goals.

If all you’re trying to do is get people together once a week for an hour, that’s an OK start. But you’ll never see the kind of growth and relational depth that you really want. Here are four suggestions:

make it your goal for every member of your group to go through the purple book or One-to- One or another foundational tool outside the confines of your group.
Make it your goal for your small group to get together at least once, if not twice a semester. Have everybody over to your place for dinner. Go see a movie or go bowling. Go to your school’s football or basketball game together. Something that will deepen your relationships outside the confines of your group time.
Consider doing a group service project at least once a semester. Don’t underestimate the powerful effect that serving others together will have on you and your group. Serving other is a spiritual experience, and having this element of shared experience will deepen and grow your group.
Start and end on time. There’s nothing worse than communicating what the time parameters of your group or meeting will be and then totally blowing them off. Be sensitive to the time constraints of your students’ schedules. If everyone wants to stay over and talk some more, than great- just communicate the group time is officially over. Plus, if you pull the plug in the middle of a great discussion, they’ll realize that something good was actually going on, and they’ll look forward to next week- kind of like a good cliffhanger in a book or TV series.

Build each member personally.

Spend time with each member one-on-one outside the small group time. Meet each student for lunch once a week or every other week, where you can really get to know each person’s background and life story. Take turns picking the place to eat- that way, each of you will put a little thought into where you go and you’ll feel like you’re sharing life and personal interests with each other. This is where you can also implement a degree of accountability if you have introduced the purple book to them and they have agreed to go through it.

Whenever you show up, have something that will build that student’s life or walk with God, wherever they are. Videos or DVDs that you can lend make powerful tools. Pastor Rob Bell’s Nooma videos are a terrific tool- they’re about 12-15 minutes apiece and can be lent out and then returned the next day and discussed. It’s amazing –students have a hard time reading their Bible for 15 minutes but will watch a 15 minute video like it’s nothing- take advantage of that mentality and make it work for you. You can buy those at nooma.com or download them off iTunes. They’re a bit pricey but absolutely make a worthwhile investment.

If you’re a married man, bring those single guys cookies or something your wife made. Most of the students you’ll meet with are living away from home- and therefore Mom- and a little homemade TLC will go a long way. Ladies, bring them a nice devotional book or something similar that can both create warm fuzzies and break down spiritual walls.

A CD of great Christian music from a group or band that really ministers to you will make a great reference point of discussion and get them listening to -and therefore thinking about- something besides Britney Spears or T-Pain.

At the end of the day, most students in your small group will buy into you before they buy into Jesus or your campus ministry- if they can see that meeting with and hanging around you grows them and changes them into a better person, they may just consider following the one you are following. You will have won their trust, created buy-in to the goals of the group, and hopefully made a great relationship in the process. You’ll enjoy your work and they’ll reciprocate what you initiate.

So again, define the purpose of your small group. Have clear goals, and build each member personally. You’ll watch each person- and your group-grow as you invest.

Having a great small group is a highly effective means of building community and discipling students. But, great small groups don’t happen by accident. They take time, intent, prayer, and consistency. With some hard work and clear vision, your small group can be one that grows and multiplies.

Our prayer is that you would grow in your leadership capacity, your walk with Jesus, and your ability to draw others to Him.

2009-05-19T19:06:00.001-07:00

What does the Proverb say?

"The first to present his case seems right until the next steps forward."

Boy, isn't that true.

I can be as guilty as the next person of believing something without checking the other side, too.

It can be so damaging when we don't do the other side the courtesy of bothering to hear what they have to say.

How many relationships are blown apart, or people never reconciled, because of not hearing the whole thing out?

We have to ask ourselves, do we really want to know the truth, or are we content with a certain hardness of heart toward others? Are we prepared to ask the difficult questions AND hear the difficult answers? Sometimes I think I am, and sometimes I'm sure I'm not.

Gulp.

God, give me the grace to dignify both sides by seeking "first to understand, not to be understood."

2009-05-07T12:50:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the infrequent blogs- still trying to get in the habit.

For those of you who are new to the story, in the Tennessean newspaper this week is a featured article about Katy Kruger (formerly Barker- Paul and Aleta Barker's daughter) and her husband Ernie. They got married back in December and saved their first kiss for the wedding altar.

The story has generated considerable conversation online, and not all of it has been positive.

Read this excerpt from the article:

Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women, notes that 95 percent of Americans have premarital sex, and trying to save your first kiss for marriage may be an unrealistic expectation.

If teens don't succeed: "It's a huge letdown," she said. "They feel like failures."

Valenti said teens should be judged on values such as intellect, courage and integrity, not their sexuality. "The idea that's communicated is that if you have sex you're used goods," she said.

Is it just me, or is some of that thinking a bit off? The focus of her worry is that kids will "feel like a failure"?

In that case, perhaps we should reconsider having university entrance exams for outgoing high school seniors. We should ditch SATs and all high school sports, in fact- heaven forbid anyone feel like a failure for setting the bar high and then not making it.

Isn't that part of what makes life...life? Setting goals and then attempting to realize them? Or falling short and learning to pick yourself back up while learning in the process?

Look at what she also says: "Teens should be judged values such as intellect, courage and integrity, not their sexuality."

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that values like intellect, courage, and integrity show up in how we express our sexuality. To cut off our sexuality from from things like, I don't know- integrity- seems impossible. I'm sure Ms. Valenti would never suggest that sexual assault is acceptable- yet, it seems like, according to her, that we should not "judge" those who express their sexuality that way.

Integrity - or a lack thereof- shows up in every area of our lives. Doesn't the very word itself mean "the quality or state of being complete" (Merriam-Webster dictionary)? There is no area of our lives that is not touched by our level of "integrity."

Doesn't it display courage to say no to cultural pressure to conform? I would argue that what Katy and her husband, Ernie, have done is display intellect, courage, and integrity.

One of the people who responded to the article said something along the lines of, "But how can you know whether you're attracted to someone unless you kiss them?"

Wait a second- I can't know for sure I'm attracted to someone unless I kiss them first? Then why not kiss every person you meet- I mean, you'll never know otherwise. I thought you kissed someone when you were attracted to them. I don't think many people, if any, have ever kissed someone they weren't at least minimally attracted to...

Anyway, this is obviously an emotional topic- and surprisingly so. You would think 2 adults demonstrating a high degree of self-control would be celebrated. ..

Weddings and such

2009-03-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Texas, after being the "officiant" for the 13th time, and today is my 8th wedding anniversary, so it just seems appropriate to talk about all things "love".

One of the greatest honors I have had in being a campus minister is in being the officiant at the ceremony of many former students' weddings. It's amazing to stand there at the altar, see the bride coming down the aisle, and to go back in time for a moment to consider just how far the couple has come. In most of these cases, I have known one or both parties since the day they gave their life to the Lord, and in all of these cases, the path has been far from easy.

I think back to all of the meetings on campus; the discipleship appointments; the late night hanging out; all of the meals together and laughter; holding hands and comforting through difficult times; and of course the joy of the engagement and wedding planning.

One comment the groom made at the rehearsal dinner took me aback. He got up and began thanking his friends and family, and then thanked me for my influence in his life. He said, "I remember one time when we began to get to know each other, and you said the kind of relationship you wanted wasn't superficial, but that you wanted to be there when I got married and my kids were born, and look, here you are. I really appreciate that kind of example."

I thought, "I said that? That sounds pretty good... I guess I did say that. How about that."

I guess my thought here is that if we will persevere with the students we are called to work with, and "labor until Christ is formed" in them, our reward will be most gratifying- seeing many of them take the next big steps in their life and helping them get to where God has called them to go.

Thanks, Troy and Sabrina, for letting me be a part of your day.

Oh, and thanks, Carrie, for sticking with me. 8 years goes fast and slow all at the same time when you have 4 children...

2009-02-17T10:18:00.001-08:00

Well, here goes...

I wanted to talk/think through the concept of "empowerment" in campus ministry, because that's what 90% plus of this blog will be about: campus ministry.

Leadership in a campus ministry context is a funny thing- it's like that old Supreme Court definition about pornography: "I know it when I see it."

These days, it seems, "empowerment" is the leadership buzzword, and if we just use it enough, it feels like, good things will happen with student leaders. Here are some common phrases regularly overheard:

"We just want you guys to feel empowered."

"I just want to empower you."

"You guys need to be empowered around here."

This all sounds fantastic, and the desire to empower others is completely Biblical, appropriate, and necessary.

However, many times, if we're not careful, it can end up sounding like this:

"What do you guys want to do this week/semester/year? I haven't read a single book in 6 months, my Bible is...wait a minute, where did I put it...I mean, I don't want to be religious about it....um...hang on a second....What was I saying? Oh yeah, what are we supposed to do, I mean, what do you guys want to do?

Empowering others is not just about giving others latitude for decision-making.

Empowering others is not just about flattening your leadership structure.

At its essence, empowering others is about giving others what they need to get the job done.

For us as leaders, that means giving others vision, as well as latitude for decision-making.

Giving others inspiration, as well as flattening our leadership structure.

Giving to and creating for others the resources necessary to fulfill the dream in their hearts.

Should we be top down? No, but leadership does have a starting point somewhere.

Should we micromanage? Obviously not, but, on the other hand, what gets measured, gets done.

When I walk into a group, hear talk about empowering others, and then see little to no corporate or even individual excitement, momentum, or Great Big Thoughts For God, I don't know what you'd call it- but I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of "empowering leadership" that changes the world.

Let's lead with a vision so large it requires every single student's talents and gifts to make it happen.

Let's serve with a passion so deep that it propels students into effective action and difference-making.

Leadership always begins somewhere. When it comes to leading students, I've found the most effective way is to begin with direction towards a vision. If the direction changes, so be it, but at least we're moving...